Simpler Cooking

Today I was stopped in the street by someone who asked if I wanted to talk about kitchen renovations. And naturally, I said yes. I said that I’d been calling the council for weeks now about all these things in my kitchen that don’t seem to do anything, and it was about time someone got …

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Making Changes

Next time someone tells me that sci-fi stories don’t need to be consistent because ‘it’s all made-up!’, I’m going to hit them with a shoe. And believe it or not, that’s my measured response after weeks of intense therapy. I know I always have a problem with people criticising things that I like, and I …

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Yay Wallpaper

Alright, perhaps I am not acting as much as the human as I thought. I even got a human job, where I do the human things like entering the data and interacting online. Around the time I realised that I was just doing the same thing that a computer does and had thus not transitioned …

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My Crackling Follicles

I’m starting to think that maybe I’m overdoing it on the essential oils. And I know, like…whoa. Me, saying anything that would suggest that I’m using any less essential oils. But it’s costing me a lot, and I guess you could say that the hour-and-a-half that I spent bathing my follicles in a mixture of …

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Breathless Love Songs

So I was listening to a song today and I was like 90% sure that the lyrics were “I can’t hear the music when I chew.” For the whole time I was at the gym I was just thinking ‘how loud does this girl chew?’ Now that I’m home, I’m thinking that she might have …

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Window Wish

I’m playing Lizard Orb X right now. It’s all about finding magic orbs that summon a lizard who grants wishes, and I can’t help but notice that no one ever wishes for anything normal. You know – normal stuff, like lots of money or a pair of shoes that are super comfortable and never, ever …

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Look for Solar

You know who’d be a great superhero? Power Man. Not a man who’s powerful, because we have about a million of those. No, Power Man would walk around the streets of Melbourne, covered in power. POWER. Like, portable battery packs and leads for basically every single electronic device under the sun. There would be some …

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Joys of Car Travel

Well. WELL. Now it all makes sense. All the riddles have been answered, all the Sunday morning newspaper crosswords filled in, all the thousand-piece jigsaws puzzle with inaccurate boxes and/or confusing subject matter like a picture of a pile of identical sprouts…they have been solved anyway. I know it was sneaky, but there was such …

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Invincible Toolboxes

I like to think I’m the token nice teammate around here. Everyone else really wants to destroy the world, or even worse, and I’m just here wanting humanity to thrive and become the dominant species in the galaxy. And if that involves them mutating into hideous, bug creatures, then is that really so bad? If …

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Pest Control Chopsticks

Catching flies with chopsticks is an age-old technique, and one we know well in our family. In fact, it’s become a rite of passage, for when a famiy member turns five years old. They must catch seven flies in their chopsticks, one for each of the heaven gates, and if they cannot then there is …

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