No, Lazarus and I did not deliberately break the front door so that we could have a sliding door installed! I cannot believe you would accuse us of such a thing!
What’s that, Lazarus? Nobody is asking us anything because we are typing into a magical laptop computer? Oh, I guess I am just so used to the film crew who ask us questions for their documentary on vampires. I am sorry, reader. You are probably very confused right now. Let’s start again.
No, Lazarus and I did not break the door so that we could get a sliding door installed. We can prove it, because it’s not just the door that is broken now. Whoever is doing this is a mastermind who has it out for us. Therefore, it must be Gizmo. Gizmo broke the front door, and now he has broken one of the windows as well!
Why do I think it was Gizmo? Well, when he was ordering window frame installation on the phone, I overheard him say the word “pay”. I think he wants payback for that time we left him alone in the woods and he got attacked by wolves. What better way to make me and Lazarus “pay” than to have us accidentally step into the sunlight and burst into dust? It is the only explanation.
I can’t believe we need to get timber window replacement. In the Melbourne CBD, it gets so hot, and as vampires, we like to keep it quite cool in the house. But now with the broken window, the air conditioner is not working properly. It is really annoying!
I liked things better before that sneaky little Gizmo came along. I don’t even see why Fernando needs a familiar! Lazarus and I get by just fine without our own personal familiar. We just borrow Gizmo whenever we need something done. If Gizmo wasn’t available, we would ask Robin Collinson to help very politely.
But then he would make us listen to his boring stories. Maybe Lazarus and I should get our own familiar, after all.