Maybe it wasn’t such a good idea to fake a zombie apocalypse on the eve of the Victorian election. I really thought that would make everybody realise how awesome my favourite roleplaying game (Goblins and Grottos) is. Suddenly, I thought, they would understand why I had spent so much of the government’s money on that game. It’s an expensive hobby, what with all the sourcebooks regularly being released, dice, miniatures and outfits I have to buy. How much do you people think I actually earn as Premier of Victoria?
So yes, I hired a large team of very dedicated actors to pretend to be zombies, giving most people a bit of a fright. My hope was that the people of Victoria would be braver than this, though. I thought people would take up arms and fight the zombies, just like a party of adventurers in G&G would do!
It clearly hasn’t worked, as shown by my recent trip to a hardware store around Bayside. People seem to be genuinely afraid of these fake-zombies, unwilling to take a stand. The hardware shop was completely deserted. Now, I’m really worried that this is going to backfire, because I’ve been telling everybody about the horrors of posted ballots, so most of my supporters probably just won’t vote at all. I spoke to one man who came to the Cheltenham store for timber, and he said that he was definitely too afraid of the zombies to go out and vote, and he obviously wouldn’t dare mail his vote in. I know voting is compulsory in Australia, but I still feel like this will put a big dent in my campaign.
So yeah, I’d say this whole thing has gone against me. I should probably call off the actors pretending to be zombies. But then again, people do tend to vote for the current Premier whenever there is a crisis going on, just for stability. Maybe it will work out after all.
– Premier Norris