Something’s Weird Here

Is it just me, or has Melbourne been much more interesting than other cities across the world over the last ten months or so? I feel like this time last year things were perfectly normal. Maybe I was just ignorant. I swear we didn’t have a Superhero Training Academy or a Supervillain Training Academy back then (or super people at all), and I hadn’t even heard of this Premier Norris guy who is running the state into the ground. Maybe I’ve crossed over from another timeline or something.

I started thinking about this when I found out that my bath drain was blocked. The realisation suddenly came upon me that I know a lot of people who have needed drain repair around the Melbourne area, and yet last year I could have sworn I’d never heard anybody talk about it. It’s just weird.

I know that 2020 has been a crazy year for everyone, but I feel like it has been particularly crazy for Melbourne. We had that whole thing with the mutant roses rising up and attacking the city, then the war between the sentient cars and the Church of the Tinted Flock. I mean, when did sentient cars become a thing? It’s crazy! Surely I can’t be the only person who sees that. Life used to be normal, didn’t it?

Anyway, now I’ve got to call for a plumber who can fix blocked drains near Northcote for about the fifteenth time this year. Hopefully, the plumber doesn’t turn out to be a monster that tries to kidnap me or anything. I honestly wouldn’t be surprised at this point.

Actually, while I’ve thought of it, when did we get an underground tunnel between Victoria and Tasmania? The Bass Strunnel? I don’t remember hearing anything about that but suddenly it’s here. I think there’s something weird going on with this city. Hopefully, someone can get to the bottom of this, before an army of flying monkeys invades Melbourne or something.