My Dream Boat

At last, my dream boat is complete. And yes, I recognize the pun…it really is a dream boat. I intended that pun, because puns should be intended. Intend your puns or get out; none of this wishy-washy ‘no pun intended’ nonsense. Good grief, own your own words, my fellow.

So this is definitely the latest adventure I have embarked upon alongside my steadily slipping sanity. The way I see if, I’m steadily going mad with money, fame, power and influence anyway, so I might as well have a bit of fun with it. I have no idea why I even commissioned a boat n the first place, but at the end of the day I’m helping out the marine stainless steel fabrication industry, and good for them because they’re how I made my fortune.

Maybe. I can’t remember. Was it diamonds? Diamonds have nothing to do with marine welding so you’d think I wouldn’t mix those up. I’m only saying diamonds because the entire ballroom is coated in them, floor to ceiling. The entire chandelier is just one huge chunk of immobile diamond and the floor has just been littered with them so it’s basically impossible to walk through the place without cutting your feet. So I guess parties in here are totally out of the question. Guests must simply stand at the door and admire the room from there.

Apparently I had some kind of fondness for fishing as well, because I just toured the upper deck and aside from sixteen pools and what seems to be a field of hot tubs, there’s an artificial lake on the upper deck surrounded by fishing rod holders and bait boards and the like. I think the lake is to be filled with fish so that people can do a bit of fishing while on-board, and there’s guaranteed to be a bite. The lucid version of myself really is a genius.

This is a feat indeed. A feat of marine welding, diamond crafting and fishing ingenuity.

Might just give it away. Kind of interested in helicopters now.

-David Davison