Alright, this essay is going to be a cinch, and it’s all down to my genius. I have to make a case for how lacking a modern innovation caused a great civilisation to collapse, and what could be more appropriate than the Macedonian Empire being torn apart by a lack of significant cooling methods?
Some people think that the early death of Alexander the Great was the main cause, with a massive power vacuum causing civil war and dooming the entire nation, but actually…it was air con.
Think about it. Ancient Macedonia was hot, like, ALL the time. Humid, muggy, miserable, and under-armour hadn’t been invented yet so no moisture wicking. I seriously just need to spend an afternoon finding out the all places that offer the best air conditioning repairs Canberra residents trust. I want to take you back to a time when ‘air conditioning repair’ meant executing the poor guy who wasn’t waving the palm branch hard enough and replacing them with another guy who could wave a palm branch in the correct fashion. I hear the ancient Egyptians might have gotten giant blocks of ice and used them to pump cool air through walls, but…that can’t be right. Where do you get ICE…in ancient Egypt? From the ancient Egyptian freezer? Maybe pick up a bag of the stuff from outside the ancient Egyptian petrol station? That’s silly.
Nowadays, countless situations are diffused by the fixing of the air con, but in the days of the great Kingdom of Macedon, they had none of it. Basically, their conflicts just escalated until they exploded into civil war, all the generals of the armies tugging at their collars and moaning about the stupid heat. Why do you think we have the best air conditioning services in Canberra? It’s because the whole system would erupt into anarchy if we didn’t. All those important leaders, getting all snippy because it was a bit too hot for their liking and business-wear…business-wear, like ancient full-armour, just isn’t comfortable in hot weather.
-Barron