My mother gave me one piece of advice before she ran away to Paris with the gardener: “Sarah, if you’re going to invest in one thing, make it a decent handbag. You’ll actually end up paying way less in the long run. Maybe a nice small soft leather shoulder bag, unless you’re going to carrying …
Alright, this essay is going to be a cinch, and it’s all down to my genius. I have to make a case for how lacking a modern innovation caused a great civilisation to collapse, and what could be more appropriate than the Macedonian Empire being torn apart by a lack of significant cooling methods? Some …
Today I was stopped in the street by someone who asked if I wanted to talk about kitchen renovations. And naturally, I said yes. I said that I’d been calling the council for weeks now about all these things in my kitchen that don’t seem to do anything, and it was about time someone got …
Next time someone tells me that sci-fi stories don’t need to be consistent because ‘it’s all made-up!’, I’m going to hit them with a shoe. And believe it or not, that’s my measured response after weeks of intense therapy. I know I always have a problem with people criticising things that I like, and I …
Alright, perhaps I am not acting as much as the human as I thought. I even got a human job, where I do the human things like entering the data and interacting online. Around the time I realised that I was just doing the same thing that a computer does and had thus not transitioned …
I’m starting to think that maybe I’m overdoing it on the essential oils. And I know, like…whoa. Me, saying anything that would suggest that I’m using any less essential oils. But it’s costing me a lot, and I guess you could say that the hour-and-a-half that I spent bathing my follicles in a mixture of …
So I was listening to a song today and I was like 90% sure that the lyrics were “I can’t hear the music when I chew.” For the whole time I was at the gym I was just thinking ‘how loud does this girl chew?’ Now that I’m home, I’m thinking that she might have …
I’m playing Lizard Orb X right now. It’s all about finding magic orbs that summon a lizard who grants wishes, and I can’t help but notice that no one ever wishes for anything normal. You know – normal stuff, like lots of money or a pair of shoes that are super comfortable and never, ever …
You know who’d be a great superhero? Power Man. Not a man who’s powerful, because we have about a million of those. No, Power Man would walk around the streets of Melbourne, covered in power. POWER. Like, portable battery packs and leads for basically every single electronic device under the sun. There would be some …
Well. WELL. Now it all makes sense. All the riddles have been answered, all the Sunday morning newspaper crosswords filled in, all the thousand-piece jigsaws puzzle with inaccurate boxes and/or confusing subject matter like a picture of a pile of identical sprouts…they have been solved anyway. I know it was sneaky, but there was such …